Mom reveals her ‘penises’ scale for finding ‘the one’

Occupational therapist and stand-up comedian, Rubi Nicholas, 52, from central Pennsylvania, explains her 7-point scale, PENISES, for dating success. Rubi Nicholas

Mom of two Rubi Nicholas is in love thanks to PENISES. 

But, no, her budding romance with a man less than half her age wasn’t founded on a predilection for male genitalia. 

Rather, it’s based on a 7-point scale that Nicholas, 52, created for herself and fellow daters on the hunt for “the one” back in 2020. And her method measures the physical, emotional, nutritional, intellectual, social, economic and spiritual commonalities that she shares with her 25-year-old live-in boyfriend, Zane, who she met on Hinge in August.

“PENISES are the seven essential elements of your life that should match with those of your long-term partner,” Nicholas, a stand-up comedian and occupational therapist from central Pennsylvania, told The Post, adding that her lover is a “seven out of seven.”

Mom reveals her ‘penises’ scale for finding ‘the one’

Nicholas, 52, created a scale dubbed PENISES, based on the seven most important areas of her life.

Rubi Nicholas

“This scale is really about knowing yourself first [before getting entering a relationship] and clearly identifying who you are, what you like and what you don’t like,” she explained.

Nicholas, who said she is a member of the high-IQ society Mensa, said daters should casually bring up their PENISES in conversations at the beginning of a relationship. 

“It’s a great way to determine whether you’re compatible with someone before settling down with them,” she said.

Mom reveals her ‘penises’ scale for finding ‘the one’

In 2006, Nicholas, an occupational therapist, won $50,000 and was crowned the “Funniest Mom in America” on Nickelodeon.

Rubi Nicholas

For Nicholas, a divorcée who won Nickelodeon’s “Funniest Mom in America” hunt in 2006, the “P,” which stands for “physical” in PENISES, has always been of utmost importance. 

“I have a high libido, and I want to make sure that my partner can handle how often I might want to have sex,” she said. “When it comes to the physical aspect of a relationship you should be honest about how often you want sex or, as I like to say, ‘What’s your bang rate?’ ”

And even if two potential partners don’t make the perfect PENISES match, Nicholas says that connecting on at least four out of the seven points could be the foundation of a healthy and lasting romance.

Mom reveals her ‘penises’ scale for finding ‘the one’

Per Nicholas’ scale, PENISES stands for the physical, emotional, nutritional, intellectual, social, economic and spiritual needs of each person in a relationship.

Rubi Nicholas

Here’s a breakdown of Nicholas’ PENISES.

Physical

In addition to feeling a strong physical attraction to a potential suitor, Nicholas says being open about your sex drive early on in a relationship is crucial. “Ask yourself, ‘How often do I need to have sex?’ and once you figure that out, be honest about it with whoever you’re dating,” she said. And, per her system, ensuring that you live close enough to your significant other to satisfy your sexual needs is just as important. “If you need it seven nights a week, make sure you’re dating someone who feels the same way and lives in the same area code,” she advised. “If you’re good with having sex once a month, then make sure you and your partner agree on that.”

Emotional

Connecting with a boyfriend or girlfriend on an emotional level starts with understanding how you express your own emotions, according to Nicholas. “You really have to know who you are emotionally, and how you process things and express your feelings,” she says, noting that emotional intelligence can help you successfully communicate your sentiments. She also suggests that each partner discuss what makes them feel emotionally secure, whether that’s kind words, sweet gestures or gifts.

Nutritional

“Food is a big part of how you live and what you do in terms of grocery shopping, cooking, dieting, getting takeout and going out to restaurants,” says Nicholas. And based on her scale, nutritional compatibility can make or break a love connection. “Asking yourself, ‘How central is food in my world?’ or ‘Am I a feeder, someone who loves to feed their loved ones, or an eater, someone who enjoyed being fed?’ This can help determine if you and your love are on the same page.”

Mom reveals her ‘penises’ scale for finding ‘the one’

Nicholas believes her 7-point scale is what aided her in carving out a healthy and loving relationship with her current boyfriend.

Rubi Nicholas

Intellectual

Rather than focusing on a person’s educational achievements, or lack thereof, Nicholas suggests making sure that you and your parent think, communicate and understand things at a similar pace. “Unmatched intellect is so frustrating for the person who struggles with processing, and so boring for the person who processes quickly,” she said. “But it’s OK if you’re intellectually stronger than your partner in one area, and weaker where they’re very strong. That’s what makes you two compatible.”

Social

Determining whether you’re an extrovert or an introvert, and if you’d like a partner who identifies the same or opposite, is also important in dating. “This is a demonstrated characteristic that you know about yourself,” said Nicholas. “Are you homebody who enjoys reading or a nightclub-hopping party animal?” And once you understand how you socially identify, you may be able to better select a mate with a complementary style. “Respecting and embracing those social boundaries of one another is extremely important for lasting success.”

Economic

Money, and how you earn it, spend it and save it, is a significant topic to broach in the beginning stages of a dating, says Nicholas. “You want to make sure that you and your partner have the same financial goals and long-term lifestyle pursuits,” she said, noting that this point is especially key for folks who are dating with the intention of getting married. “Have conversations about your goals and the financial underpinnings needed to achieve those things,” she continued, “Do you want to live in a nice house or do you want to take jets to Ibiza? Either of those come at different costs.”

Spiritual

Nicholas, a member of the Muslim faith, urges daters to decide whether spirituality is important to them. “Ask yourself, ‘How much of a functional presence is a universal power or structured religion in my life?,’ ” she said. And for those planning to tie the knot in the near future, she suggests ensuring that your partner agrees with your religious views. “In the long-run, if you guys decide to introduce kids into the fold, will you want your children to be apart of the religion? Will you feel that it’s important for children to grow up with a common set of values rooted in religion?,” she said. “Talking about that upfront can save you both a lot of trouble in the future.”

Source: Mom reveals her ‘penises’ scale for finding ‘the one’

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